Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
