guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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