Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
