I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
