Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
FUCK WHALES
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
