It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
