I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
