All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
