Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
