u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
