Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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