Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
