we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
there is puke in my bra ... again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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