Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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