it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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