Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
