Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
