tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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