He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
