He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
