oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
