I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
