I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
