will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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