I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
