do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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