Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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