Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
