I wish my penis had an off switch
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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