i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
