You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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