Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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