dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
