it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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