True but thats because hes a fetus.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
