There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
