party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
