You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
