Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
