Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
