I intend to get homeless drunk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
