i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
