I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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