You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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