if you like me you must not know who I am
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
