i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
