Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
