you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
