too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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