Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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