i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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