yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
