I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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