I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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