This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
