some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
