I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
