i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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