I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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